The Cancer Card

So, about the cancer card and not feeling guilty: I have been using it to my advantage and not an ounce of guilt I feel. Should I feel bad about pulling out the cancer card to get my way when dealing with sales people on the phone? What about an expired gift certificate to a spa that I had them trade in for a new one because I have cancer and was in the hospital, therefore unable to make any of the appts? Hey, if it works....
I'm not saying I'm proud at seducing the average customer service employee or retail worker by making them feel bad and giving me an advantage, but I kind of feel entitled. You know?

No hard feelings please....

Ok., here's to the few of you who do read this and don't harrass me with a constant barrage of phone calls and emails! My third day of chemo was the worst and I have been in extreme pain ever since. These tumors in my lungs are not letting up and it's hard for me to breathe or do simple tasks like get up and out of the chair. This little bit of motion causes me to be short of breath, which causes pain in my ribs and lungs in my back area. The pain moves all around and I'm pushing all the pain meds I can find, but not much is working. I constantly use the heating pad and I find it's not so bad if I just sit still and don't move. It hurts to even move my arms. Wah-Wah. I knew this wouldn't be a good post, but it's inevitable. All this pain is also making me ridiculously cranky and depressed, so you can imagine how easy it is for my loved ones right now who insist on calling to see how I'm doing. ALthough I love them to death, now is not the time. It hurts to breathe, so talking is out of the question. I'd really like a bit of peace and quiet, which is why i'm posting this, so people will leave me alone for a little while at least. I know everyone just cares so much and it's hard to understand unless you're going through it. It's even harder to explain. I just know that when I'm in this much pain, I don't feel like talking to anyone and no hard feelings please.

"I can't believe they said that!"

Having told my story so many times as of late, I recount the silly things doctors and nurses have said to me over this past year, thinking they provide a comedic effect to the telling. I realize, though, at the same time, it is a bit sad, recounting how our healthcare system is in a bit of a crises. As a result, I'd like to re-tell some of these anecdotes here:

"Gas Pain"- The doctor's explanation of the pain I was experiencing in my side that was growing more and more intense by the day, (which later turned out to be a massive tumor).

"My friend's horse had that!" - A nurse's comment on my Cushing's Syndrome while I was recovering, post-surgery.

"It's a good thing they invented one-piece bathing suits!" - A doctor's comment on the scar across my stomach.

"You need to exercise, you're getting tubby." - Same doctor, commenting on my post-surgery physique, said while poking the side of my belly.

While in the hospital, recovering, post-surgery, I was awakened earl one morning by my nurse. She wanted to show me how she had printed out pages of information from the internet regarding Cushing's Syndrome. Of course, I knew all about it, having had it for the past six months, but was also wondering why this nurse was awakening me at 4 in the morning while I had been so peacefully asleep. Sleep was hard to come by then, too, after such major surgery. This same nurse began to talk to me, innappriately I might add, about her shocking life story. And I fiegned as much interest as I could muster at the time.

sick at 3am

Let's see, it's almost 3am and I'm wide awake. Have only been able to sleep off and on all night. Damn frogs have kept me up along with lack of my regular Ativan. Of course, the minute I awake and start walking around, I get sick to my stomach and spend the rest of the morning trying for cures to soothe my tummy. Right now, I'm watching Fullmetal Alchemist (more on the anime later), doing my best to update my blog and drinking Chammomile tea. (Funny story: I had a past ex who pronounced it Cha-mow-lee).

On another note, I've been thinking about the benefits Kris Carr discovered through the use of wheat grass and I've been wondering if something similar wouldn't be of advantage in my case. The only thing is my stomach is so sensitive, I'm not sure if even some kind of vegtable juice would do my more harm than good.
ugh! More sickness.....more later

R.I.P. Pinky

Poor Binky. He led a good life as a pink and hairy mouse-like creature who entertained Oz for hours, content as he threw him up in the air, to be caught again and again in the jaws of that orange mouth. No one could have been a better friend to find nestled between my pillow and bedsheets, a present or a hearty snack from my red headed son, Oz.

However, Oz does not think of him as dead, he merely has obtained a new look....a haircut, perhaps. He wanted him to look more like his mama...we all love a shaved head, after all. (I think he now looks like Piglet from Winnie the Pooh)